I'm buckin' the system.
Christmas Crazies, Hanukkah Headaches, and Yuletide Yahoos. Whether they're people--you know and love, or you don't know and wish would go away--situations, or responsibilities, there are more reasons to grit your teeth over the holidays than there are all the gifts of the twelve days of Christmas--even that stupid partridge. Because honestly, I've been staring at reindeer since Oc-friggin-tober and my holiday cheer has a half-life of about two weeks. My bells are already jingled by the time the radio stations go to "all Xmas-all the time," and by the time December rolls around, I'm more than a little red-and-green shell-shocked.
I'm sick of looking at representations of fat men in red fuzzy suits. I mean, outside of an anime convention or a very specialized type of kink, pretty damn scary. Fat men wearing red who break into houses and leave unattended, strange-looking packages under trees. People who put trees inside their houses expressly for the purposes of inviting said housebreaker inside and allowing him to eat their food and drink their milk. I think I'd rather stick with the security of knowing some strange fetishist with a high risk of heart-disease won't be pawing through my stuff and letting his reindeer do unspeakable things to my lawn. Or my roof, if that poem is to be believed.
So here's a big shout-out to all you fellow Grinches out there. My heart's three sizes too small because it's making room for my tummy tuck. Because in order to avoid all those holiday headaches, I have to medicate myself, and the best way to do that is through chocolate. With peanut butter, preferably.
- 1 1/2 cups creamy peanut butter
- 1/2 cup butter, softened
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 4 cups sifted confectioners' sugar
- 6 ounces semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 2 tablespoons shortening
- Line a baking sheet with waxed paper; set aside.
- In a medium bowl, mix peanut butter, butter, vanilla, and confectioners' sugar with hands to form a smooth stiff dough. Shape into balls using 2 teaspoons of dough for each ball. Place on prepared pan, and refrigerate.
- Melt shortening and chocolate together in a metal bowl over a pan of lightly simmering water. Stir occasionally until smooth, and remove from heat.
- Remove balls from refrigerator. Insert a wooden toothpick into a ball, and dip into melted chocolate. Return to wax paper, chocolate side down, and remove toothpick. Repeat with remaining balls. Refrigerate for 30 minutes to set.