Monday, March 08, 2010

Interview with Dweezil

Our regularly scheduled guest was unavailable so I asked my pal, Linda Wisdom, if she had anything our readers might enjoy. She offered this interview with Dweezil, Jazz Tremaine's uncouth and ungentlemanly boss at All Creatures Car Service (think - limo's for the less human, lol).

So read and enjoy!
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Dweezil, Jazz’s creature of a boss, owner of All Creatures Car Service, and featured in Linda Wisdom’s 50 Ways to Hex Your Lover and Hex Appeal sat down to be interviewed. Okay, he was bribed for this interview since we all know he believes in the power of coin.

Thank you, Elle, for having the fortitude to sit down and talk to him.

Picture Elle, pretty and slight seated across from Dweezil in his charcoal Armani suit that does absolutely nothing for his olive green skin. His long fingers try to linger over her hand, and knee, but she manages to avoid him just in time. And hopefully, that rumored third hand or second, well, you know, doesn’t show up either.

Elle -- Okay, Dweezil, I know you’re no softy so I’m gonna ask some straight up questions. I’m sure you can deal with it. Let’s start with the basics.

Dweezil -- What the F-? You a cop? You gotta be a cop with that attitude. Hey, I paid those tickets and no way you can nail me for that other. Although – (looks at Elle with a gleam in his dark eyes) you are kinda cute. You doin’ anything tonight?


Full name? Dweezil. We don’t got last names like you humans.

Age? Which one? My driver’s license says 35. My birth tablet reads 956. Take your choice.

Species? What can I say, babe? I’m one of a kind.

Gender? Hellloooo! See my collection? (gestures toward vintage erotica prints, sex toys, etc.) I’m a guy. And … you’re a girl, so you wanna …? (waggles fingers back and forth)

Favorite food? Mud slugs in garlic sauce

Legit Hobby? Collecting erotica and sex toys. Hey, someone’s gotta do it!

Not so legit hobby? We don’t talk about that. (looks around furtively) Why? What have you heard?

Now that we’ve taken care of the “obvious” questions, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

When you look in the mirror, what exactly do you see and do you like what’s staring back at you? Hey, I’m a handsome male. Do you see this olive skin just anywhere? No. You know why? Cuz I take good care of my skin. It takes a lot of care and it’s worth it.

What made you decide to start your own business and why this specific one? I used to run a livery stable. Talk about smelly! I was real glad when the car was invented. Sure they were smelly in the beginning, but I never liked horses and they didn’t like me. Don’t know why. I like having a business that’s a service. And I run a damn good service.

How do you go about hiring your employees? I usually put an ad in the Supe Weekly.

It seems to me as though you have a tough time finding good ones and when you do, people tend to steal them away. Why is that? Tell me about it! I’m just a regular guy looking to make a living. I’m offering an excellent service here. You’d think they’d be grateful to work for me, wouldn’t you?

Ever think of taking an anger management course? You saying I got an anger problem? ME? The F you say! I’m a pussycat. Ask anyone. Okay, don’t ask Jazz, but that B lies about me all the time.

I feel as though you and Jazz have somewhat of a special relationship. Can you explain that? That witch will be the death me of yet. Cuz of her my offices almost blew up, she got my best client banished, and she’s a royal PIA to deal with. The trouble is, it’s not easy to find a witch to work as a driver. ‘Course it would be easier if she wasn’t so demanding. She seems to think I’m made of money. And no matter what anyone says I’m not.

Are you currently in a relationship? Not my fault there’s a restraining order and not cuz I got rough with the broad. Ya know, I’m a real catch.

Describe your home. We want to know where you sleep at night. Why do you want to know where I live? Hey, that’s secret for a reason! NO ONE knows where I live.

I think we can just about wrap this up now. I just have one more question for you. How many arms do you have? (catepillar eyebrows bob up and down) You really wanna see them? Come closer, babe.

So what about you all? Anyone have questions for Dweezil?

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-- Lynda Again
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2 comments:

Linda Andrews said...

Loved the interview. Of course all your characters are great! Now, did I miss the interview with Jazz's bunny slippers? I know you'd have to translate but it would be great fun to hear what they have to say.

Linda Wisdom said...

Thanks Linda

There's flash fiction with them at my blog and I just posted the story how they came to live with Jazz.

http://linda-wisdom.blogspot.com