Monday, November 21, 2011

Guest - Linda Wisdom

Good morning all! Today's guest is one of our very favorite authors, Linda Wisdom. Linda has an entertaining post for us as usual and a chance for one lucky Star-Crossed Romance reader to win an ARC. Read on to find out how.

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Three days to that fantastic turkey dinner!

Are you ready? Or wondering just what have you put yourself in for?

I want to be one of the witches and hex up dinner. Same with the dirty dishes afterwards. That way I can indulge in a good book. I’d even settle for minions to do it all.

Not that I can complain since we’re going out to dinner this year.

If you get a chance to get some good reading in, more power to you!

To get you in the mood, I’m including a Thanksgiving story about Jazz and Irma.

And for one lucky commenter I’m giving away an advanced reading copy of A Demon Does It Better, my January release. US residents only please. (See the instructions at the bottom--Lynda)



And for all of you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Too bad we don’t all have Irma to oversee our culinary efforts!

"I have to do what?" A horrified Jazz stared at the pale-skinned turkey lying on the counter.
"You have to reach inside the cavity and take out the giblets." Irma peered over her shoulder sending a shock of cold through Jazz’s body.
When Jazz broke down and asked Irma to help her cook Thanksgiving dinner, she had no idea it would involve putting her hands inside a raw turkey and pull its guts out. Can you spell euww!
She settled for sticking her hands inside two plastic bags before sticking them inside the turkey's butt. She kept her eyes closed and mouth scrunched up as she scooped out the innards.
"This is disgusting!"
"Perhaps if you'd cooked more often and not been out there doing witchy things, you'd know what to do in cooking a proper meal."
"Spare me from self-righteous spirits," Jazz muttered, dumping the giblets and the neck in the sink. She quickly peeled off the bags and dropped them in the trash.
"And don't forget to wash your hands thoroughly since you just handled raw poultry."
Jazz paused in wiping her hands on her jeans and reached for the hand soap instead.
"How big is the turkey?" Irma asked, pursing her Tangeed lips. While she now wore clothing designed for this century instead of the last, she still enjoyed some of her 1950s make up.
Jazz stared at the pale bird. "Big."
Irma sighed. "No, how many pounds."
"I don't know. I didn't exactly put it on a scale!"
"Then look at the wrapper! You determine the time it takes to cook it according to the number of pounds. We always bought our turkeys at the Farris Turkey Ranch. Such beautiful birds too."
Jazz ignored Irma reminiscing about the good old days when she was still alive. "Yeah yeah. Okay, the bird is twenty-three pounds since Krebs wants lots of leftovers and Stasi and Blair are coming down for dinner."
"Are you stuffing it? If you are, it will take longer to cook."
"Stuffing it? I just took stuff out of it!" Witches normally didn't get headaches but Jazz was well on her way to a doozy.
"And you make up a nice stuffing to put into the turkey cavity. There's cornbread stuffing, oyster, herb. Take your choice."
"Then I choose Stove-Top which I can put in the microwave and it doesn't have to go anywhere near a turkey's nether regions."
"That's not stuffing! That's pieces of Lord knows what in a box!"
Jazz studied the red and yellow box. "The box stays stuffing, it's stuffing."
Under Irma's guidance Jazz had the turkey rubbed with butter and herbs, placed in a large electric roaster, and the timer set.
"Off the counter!" She ordered Fluff and Puff as the bunny slippers scampered up to investigate what was going on. She gave each them of a piece of licorice root for a treat and watched them retreat to a corner of the kitchen.
"Brown sugar, molasses is nice and miniature marshmallows for the top of the candied yams," Irma told her. "Are you making cranberry sauce?"
Jazz held up two cans. "Jellied and whole-berry."
"You modern girls rely too much on canned goods. I always bought my cranberries and made my own sauce with ginger and a hint of orange peel." Irma's face seemed to fill the entire screen. "Does that jar say gravy? You can make it from the drippings! You picked up butter and cream for the mashed potatoes, didn't you? And I mean real butter, not that oleo or what you call margarine now. We had to use oleo during the war and it had no taste. Also did you pick up the makings for the green bean casserole? That's a classic dish for Thanksgiving. The French-fried onion strings make it look so fancy. Please don't tell me that tube holds biscuits? I made my biscuits from scratch. Harold said they tasted light as a feather."
"Light as a feather biscuits sure didn't keep your husband in line, did it?" Jazz muttered.
"Maybe if you worried less about eliminating curses you'd have a man to cook for! Look at that! You're not even using real whipped cream for the pumpkin pie." Jazz flicked her fingers at the screen and muted the audio. She smiled at the picture of Irma talking away. "Ah, silence."
All too soon, she realized she did need help. She flicked her fingers at the screen again.
"You are a very rude girl," Irma huffed. "You asked for my help and I was only too willing to give it, yet on a whim you shut me off. Perhaps I should return to my program. Rachael Ray is coming on soon. She knows how to cook a Thanksgiving dinner."
Jazz briefly considered zapping Irma back to the garage, but since she needed the spirit's help, she didn't dare. Irma was a ghost who could hold a grudge with the best of them and Jazz wasn't even halfway through preparing dinner. She looked at the cans, jars and bowls scattered across the counters. Nothing had ever looked so intimidating.
And all because she wanted to do something nice for Krebs this year and give him a family-type dinner.
"Fine, I'm sorry I muted you. I lost my mind." Which she had in planning this dinner.
"I forgive you." A lit cigarette appeared between Irma's white-gloved fingers. "Now, you need to melt some butter to use in basting the turkey."
Jazz's head spun with the rapid-fire instructions Irma shot at her. And every time she started a new task she was tempted to use her magick.
"No wonder Samantha Stevens kept breaking her word in not using her magick," she muttered, mentally envisioning the potato peeler under six feet of concrete. By the time the timer for the turkey went off, Jazz was ready for a nap.
"Where's our feast?" Krebs asked, coming into the kitchen with Jazz's sister witches, Stasi and Blair on his heels. "Do you want me to carry the turkey into the dining room?"
She waved her hand at the roaster. "Knock yourself out."
Except as Krebs lifted the turkey out of the roaster it looked more pink than golden.
"What did you do to it?" Irma demanded from the TV screen.
Jazz was horrified. "I cooked it! 5 ½ hours at 225."
"You cook it at 325!" Irma shouted. "That bird is still raw."
With a flick of the wrist, Jazz shut off the TV, faced the turkey, saying "Forget the book. Forget the look. Damn turkey needs to be cooked, because I say so damn it!"
In the wink of an eye, the turkey turned a well-cooked golden brown. Just as fast the food disappeared from the kitchen, leaving it clean and neat and reappeared on the dining room table.
Jazz snatched up a dark green bottle and marched into the other room. "I'll bring the wine."
Hopefully your Thanksgiving will be filled with good food, good friends and family and maybe a glass or four of wine.

Linda 

Coming Soon


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-- Lynda Again
    Hope everyone enjoyed Linda's little Thanksgiving interlude. Her newest book A Demon Does It Better will be available in January 2012. I've read it and it's fabulous (stay tuned for my review in late December). If you want to be entered in her drawing, leave a comment AND your email addy so she can contact you. Oh, and the deadline will be Wednesday for the drawing.

30 comments:

Jaime Leach said...

Amazing as usual I love Linda!! I am excited to read her new book!!

jleach53@my.stlcc.edu

Chris Marie Green/Christine Cody/Crystal Green said...

Linda, what a cool post! And, everyone, I was lucky enough to read A DEMON DOES IT BETTER early... You're gonna love it!

Anonymous said...

Linda, You KNOW all too well that I am hoping for all of the girls stories to be told! Love the entire series!
Happy Thanksgiving and hope all is well!
Patty Bosko

Joy Taylor Jaeger said...

Loved your great post, Linda. Your stories are awesome. Can't wait to check out your "Demon" delight. Know it will be another wonderful read. Have a Happy Thanksgiving. Sincerely, Joy

DrkCherry said...

Oh Lordy, I can so see that being my eldest first Thanksgiving on her own. She has problems with cold cereal.

Have a great Thanksgiving!

Drkcherry@gmail.com

Linda Wisdom said...

Thanks Jaime! I'm sure you'll adore Cleo, Lili's cat.

Chris!!! Awww, thanks so much! And your Badlands trilogy is fantastic!

Thanks Patty! The whole series will be out there.

Thanks Joy!

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

Linda Wisdom said...

LOL Drkcherry! It just means you'll be surprised.

Stacie said...

I love Linda Wisdom I have all her romance novels. I really enjoyed those bunny slippers!

niahflame@gmail.com

estherfancher said...

Linda, I loved your Thanksgiving themed short story! It SO reminds me of my general feelings on making the entire meal on my own. I don't mind cooking your average dinner but the sheer number and size of dishes that are prepared for the holiday can be more than a bit overwhelming!

We lucked out this year since my parents will be preparing the meal. All I have to do is make a couple of salads and bring some Riesling. Everything is better with a bit of wine, right?!

I'm sure "A Demon Does It Better" will be as fabulous as all of your other books. Can't wait to read it soon!

Happy Holidays!

Email address: esther@davefancher.com

alainala said...

i would LOVE this! Cant wait to read it.. thanks for an awesome contest i hope i win! i love your books so much! Us canadians had our thanksgiving last month but i would LOVE to be able to cook like that!

alainala At hotmail DOT ca

Jennifer said...

Thanks for the Thanksgiving read Linda! Can't wait for a demon does it better! Would love to read it sooner than its release date. aqualion21@gmail.com

Lizzie Walker said...

Happy Thanksgiving Ladies. Linda, I really enjoyed the post and of course laughed my ass off when that turkey came out looking more pink than golden.

I will NOT tell you about my own hellish experiences.

I just want to know, if Demons Do it Better, can they come over and cook up my turkey? LOL

Congrats on your latest release.

Kuzlin said...

I love this series - Jazz and Irma are great characters! Can't wait to read this one. kuzlin@aol.com

Victoria said...

That was great :). Thank you so much. Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING :).

vsloboda(at)gmail(dot)com

Linda Wisdom said...

Thanks Stacie! Fluff and Puff are dangerous around Thanksgiving time. They love their pumpkin pie.

You're right, Esther. Always better with wine!

Thanks Alainala! I think we all want to cook like that.

Thanks Jennifer!

Thanks Lizzie. I have some meal disaster stories too.

Thanks Kuzlin!

Thanks Victoria!

Dorothy said...

Looking forward to A Demon Does It Better. I've read all the other books in the series.
macsluck@yahoo.comm

ElaineCharton said...

You think Jazz would learn by now. Everything is better with Magick. :)
Wonderful, as always.

Linda Wisdom said...

Thanks Dorothy!

LOL Elaine! Yes, everything is better with magick.

SiNn said...

congrats on the new book i have to say I love this series its so fun

i cracked up over the whole post ur such a joy to read ty for posting

mortalsinn(AT)yahoo(DOT)com

Pamk said...

love your series and can't wait for this next one. rofl and can I borrow some of Jazz's power to cook my Thanksgiving dinner. Oh well didn't thank so but it will be okay since everyone is bringing something. I told them I wasn't cooking all of it and that I could go out to eat if they didn't want ot help. Worked like a charm lol.
scrtsbpal at yahoo dot com

Linda Wisdom said...

Thanks SiNn. I have a lot of flash fiction on my personal blog. It's so much fun to write. Especially during the holidays.

Hi PamK. That's why we're going out this year.

Nancy Ann Gazo said...

Oh, Oh, Oh - I so very much want to read "Demon Does It Better"! Have read all of the other witchy adventures, and am eagerly awaiting this one. Would make my holiday to win!!!

Blessed Be!

- Nancy G.

Nancy Ann Gazo said...

AArgh! E-mail address is 1bookwyrm@bellsouth.net

- Nancy G.

Linda Thomas-Sundstrom said...

Lovely post, Linda. The book looks great.Can't wait to read it.
Happy Turkey Day to you!
xo
The OTHER Linda

www.lindathomas-sundstrom(dot)com

Kari Thomas said...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, Linda!

Love that Cover AND the excerpt!Gotta read this one!!

Holiday HUGS, Kari Thomas, www.authorkari.com

Linda Wisdom said...

Hi Nancy. It is a fun book, but then I should say that, shouldn't I? :}

Linda!!! Hey Happy Turkey Day back!

Kari Thomas said...

OOPS! I forgot to add my email! Please do enter me in the Contest and THANKS!

Kari Thomas
authorkari@yahoo.com

Amy said...

Great series - glad to see another book in it! Happy holidays~
amyDOTtooheyATgmailDOTcom

lindsey hutchison said...

great series and if that didnt leave us wanting more i dont know what would. that cover is hot too. Happy Holidays.

babydoll82959307(at)aol(dot)com

Lisa Kessler said...

Yow I love that cover!!! :)

Congratulations on the new release Linda!!! I hope it's a huge hit for you...

*HUGS*

Lisa

LdyDisney at aol.com