No lie, my boyfriend snagged me in part because of what I thought was an ingenious one-liner. He said, “If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me?” Of course my reaction (especially on our first date) was no! I wasn’t about to get physical with a stranger. After my shock wore off, I realized the second meaning, which of course also needed to be answered with a no. (I know when to take a compliment!) So imagine my surprise when I discovered this is one of the bad one-liners he and his buddies used to toss out and laugh about. Plus I discovered it’s an old Bellamy Brothers song. Not quite so charming now, is it?
Every guy has a batch of one-liners or atleast an arsenal of comebacks…and this includes the fictional variety. I mean who can forget “I’ll be back” from Terminator or Wesley from The Princess Bride’s unselfish “As you wish”?
So I set out to find my stable of guys’ best zingers or come-ons.
From TIES OF VALOR & Prince Awyn Shandar:
“I’m not a prisoner?”
“Not at present. The matter has not been officially decided. Our first concerns were to see to your well-being. A matter I handled personally.”
If his comment had been designed to make her blush, then it succeeded. Heat filled her cheeks in a sign she knew he couldn’t miss. It wasn’t because of his gender. She’d been down to her skivvies with plenty of men. It rankled because a stranger had stared at her virtually naked and she didn’t know a blasted thing about him. “Thank you.”
“It was my pleasure.”
Her skin’s sudden warmth radiated further. Her weakened state was to blame. Any other time she never would’ve given in to such feminine emotions.
(Now that the local Chick-fil-A has started using this when they gopher around, it’s lost some of its zing for me.)
Surprise widened her eyes. She hadn’t expected the caring answer. Her lips trembled. Zara pressed them together, gaining her composure. “What am I going to do with you?”
He sucked in a lungful of air and then exhaled in a rush, saying, “Love me?”
Rocked by her words, he stepped back with his legs weak. “How can that be?”
(For me this was close to par given the moment when Buttercup here’s the Dread Pirate Roberts’ utter, “As you wish.” as he tumbled down the mountain.)
From JUST ONE LIFE & Kendron Valdemar:
“Are you lost?” a deep voice asked, causing her to turn to face the owner. “Or just looking for someone?”
“A little of both I fear.” Gwynan couldn’t tell him who she’d come after, because then he’d wonder why, since they’d never met. “It seems the person I was to meet has left.”
“Would you care to join me then? I usually don’t do this but I’d love to buy you some ice cream.”
(Can you tell Kendron’s a nerd? But he’s a hot one with magical powers galore!)
From ALL I EVER WANTED & Ravin Seacrest:
“Why are you here?”
“To find you.” It was what he’d wanted and longed for only that morning. Though now after the fact, Ravin wished he’d added a little something to make it less painful for himself. “You are my woman.”
She grunted in response, not sharing his sentiment. “How did you get in?”
“I do not know. One minute I was in my village, and the next here,” he gritted out as he sat up. The room spun for a brief moment then righted itself. The shooting twinges had stopped. All that was left from his journey was a dull ache in his head. Oh, how he craved a few Queen of the Meadow blossoms right now. Better yet a healer.
“Do you mean the city of Oakes, about twenty minutes away?”
“Like the underwear? Good one. I suspect you’re wearing that brand now, huh? Besides, it’s not a good story considering I’ve never heard of a town by that name near here,” she asserted. Her eyes flashed at what she perceived as a false answer. “Tell me the truth.”
(Possessive straight off the bat isn’t he? It’s got to do with his ‘I’m handsome, and it’s a curse’ complex. I know I let this go long, but I figured you’d get a giggle out of the underwear funny.)
From LOVEMAKER & Eric Ross:
“Man, look at this stain.” A strawberry curl bounced against his forehead as he agitatedly blotted himself. “My dry cleaner’s never going to get this gunk out.”
“It’s surprisingly washable and…edible.”
She clamped her mouth shut, stymieing the urge to mutter more product info. Now wasn’t the time to play love counselor extraordinaire.
“You want me to lick it off?”
(Here my heroine Afra was creating some trouble of her own. And her answer should have been, “Yes, Adonis. Can I watch?”)
From PERFECTION NOT REQUIRED & Kendall Gregory:
“Need some help testing that toy?” He’d come here to nab a live guinea pig, and man, oh man, had he hit the jackpot. Kendall couldn’t believe cheesy lines like that worked. He wasn’t so sure she was buying it.
He had to admit he was a little jealous, even though he’d come into the situation knowing his subject would have a partner.
“Sure. I could use a hand.”
Had he been dreaming the last few seconds? “What?”
“I’d be delighted. Mr.…”
“Ken…Ken,” he looked around wildly. His gaze landed on the sign boasting SEX TOYS. “Sexton.” No, it was supposed to be Singleton! Well, it was too late now. He’d just have to go with the flow.
(Hmmm…was Kendall’s mind really on finding a new test subject or how much fun he'd have while saying it was work-related?)
Do you have any fabulous one-liners in your books, a snappy retort from a favorite read, or an unforgettable movie line? Throw it out there and let’s see what you’ve got!